She announced her abortion via fbk
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
