It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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