i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
