So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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