Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
