I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize