left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize