I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize