Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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