What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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