I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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