he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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