My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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