I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
