remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Randomize
