Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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