I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
