Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
