I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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