I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
