I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
