It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
