This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
