There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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