Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
