My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
