you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
