if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
