he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize