I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
