So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
