i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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