i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
