Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
