I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
