Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
