they need to just BURY HIM!
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
