well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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