I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
