in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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