Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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