discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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