I can't breathe out the right side of my face
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
