Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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