My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
be right there i have to get my cape
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
