i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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