We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
