Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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