Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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