Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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