Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
