Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
