If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Holy shit dude........stairs
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
