I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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