i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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