My hand turned me down
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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