my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
