I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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