We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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