Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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