i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
