Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
