I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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