Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
