Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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