id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
