My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
