I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
